A psychologist has offered an answer as to why partners are more likely to cheat in their relationships.
If you’ve ever been cheated on, apart from feeling insanely sick and just as insanely angry, there’s a lot of questions that run through your head. Why? Is it him? Is it me? Can they change? Or not?
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Well, luckily (I think?) psychologist Clara Zelleroth, a licensed psychologist and couples therapist, has given an insight into the most ‘common justifications’ cheaters admit to their partners afterwards.
Zelleroth recently told Metro: “As unfaithfulness is a break of the mutual understanding, or ‘contract’ of the relationship, it is often seen as a form of betrayal.
“This is also why we would not call any excuses for cheating in relationship counselling ‘valid.’”
“This decision is typically influenced by factors such as alcohol or a time of high stress, making a person more likely to cheat when the opportunity occurs,” Clara explains.
“In the aftermath, individuals often describe the scenario as ‘it just happened’.”
This is a reason given by both men and woman and is often described has them having a ‘weak moment.’
The therapist also added that if you have had a moment of weakness, the ‘worst thing you can do is hide it from your partner.
The second justification she says, is sexual dissatisfaction. As much as it might sting to think about, she says it’s another really common reason for adultery.
Individuals who have been unfaithful to their partners cite reasons including ‘My partner doesn’t want to have sex’, she explains.
“It might be that their partner is reluctant to engage in sexual activities for various reasons, as well as a potential mismatch of sexual drives which prompts the individual to seek fulfilment elsewhere.”
The third reason is similar, it’s ‘emotional dissatisfaction’ that can see one half of the couple become fed up with a lack of intimacy from their partner so create an emotional connection with someone else.
Clara explains: “People who have cheated often express feelings of “not being seen or prioritised” by their partner, prompting them to seek connections with others for emotional fulfilment, which may not necessarily involve sexual intimacy.”
The last reason is a lack of commitment, which both men and woman can feel during a relationship, when some cheaters are questioned their answer is ‘we were going to break up anyway’, which is also an ‘exit affair.’
Clara says: “Infidelity can also be linked to low commitment in the primary relationship. People may rationalise their actions with statements like ‘we were just about to break up’ or ‘we are not really in a committed relationship at the moment, just casually dating,’ but their partner might not feel or view the relationship in the same way.
“This often stems from a lack of mutual communication about the relationship and commitment, leading to differing perceptions between the partners. You could think of this as the ‘we were on a break’ moment between Ross and Rachel from Friends.”
Private investigator reveals four giveaways your partner is cheating on you
To put your mind at rest, or perhaps make you even more paranoid, private investigator Aaron Bond shared with The Sun the most telling signs that there might be some reg flags when it comes to your partner and their behaviour.
Phone Behaviour Changes
According to Bond, a sudden change in how your partner behaves with their phone could be a possible giveaway.
If they’ve changed their passcode for no apparent reason, or change it regularly, this could be cause for concern.
Bond explains: “If they starts taking their phone everywhere with them, even around the house, or they become defensive when you ask to use their phone it could be a sign of them not being faithful.”
Being cagey about what they’re up to
Another trait the unfaithful may have is they show less of an interest in spending time with you, not show much excitement about seeing you, and may even withdraw, not wanting to talk about their day.
Bond said: “If you feel like your partner has suddenly begun to avoid you and they don’t want to do things with you anymore or they stop telling you about their day then this is another red flag.
“Partners often avoid their spouses or tell them less about their day because cheating can be tough, remembering all of your lies is impossible.”
A change in sex drive
Both ends of the spectrum could be a cause for worry. If your partner suddenly lacks interest in your sex life, while it may have absolutely nothing to do with you, it could potentially point to cheating.
While on the opposite end, if they’re seemingly insatiable it could mean they’re trying to mask their infidelity.
Bond said: “Cheaters often have less sex at home because they are cheating, but on occasions, they may also have more sex at home, this is because they feel guilty. [They] use this increase in sex to hide their cheating.
“You may also find that your partner will start to introduce new things into your sex life that weren’t there before.”
They have much more of a negative attitude
The stress of cheating and keeping it all in can cause stress to implode in on them, but this may also spill onto you.
“To get rid of the tension they feel inside, they will try to convince themselves that you are the problem and they will become critical of you out of nowhere,” Bond said.
The above, of course, should be taken with a very light pinch of salt.
Every relationship is different, people are different. If you notice any of these changes, it doesn’t automatically point to cheating, of course. But still, pretty interesting?